i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
