all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
