I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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