Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
