I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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