I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
