I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
