Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
