I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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