i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
