Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
