he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
