i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
