JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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