i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
