At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize