Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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