I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
