I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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