ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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