Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
