Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
