You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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