you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
