If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
