Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
