i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize