after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
