Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize