I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Randomize
