Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I look better un-naked...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
