Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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