so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
my shit smells like andre
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
