I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize