We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
