and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
