a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
