I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
