All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
