Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
