i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
