dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize