dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize