I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
