Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
