It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize