If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
