Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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