Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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