Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
