What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
