I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
