dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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