Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
