I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
