Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
