All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
