I just gift wrapped bread.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
