tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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