Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
