i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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