Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
