Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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