I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I love you.
Bad choice
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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