All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
