I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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