i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
