Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
