Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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